With the dry summer of Ireland our paddlers have had to make do with what we have heres another great example of what happens when we run out of water.
Thanks Bernard Walsh
Tricky Woo Walsh's place of ramblings,
With the dry summer of Ireland our paddlers have had to make do with what we have heres another great example of what happens when we run out of water.
Thanks Bernard Walsh
So here we are again a week after his return and he is yet to be seen maybe he has crawled into the snail to hide after his italy experience.
Was it because he paddled like a gimp?
Was it because he caught the gay from Mangina McCrea?
Was it because he drank little lady beers and was hungover?
Orwas it because he was bagged out of the river after an embarrassing swim by his hero Miss Mairead Barnwell!?
lets ask him……
A: Good Morning Mr Walsh hows things been this week? we havent seen much of you?
B: Ahhh Welll ive had some work to do……
A: Really? work like real work or work like Macca style work?
B: Ahhh yeaaa pick on the auld man busy work lots to do
A: So the wife has finally caught on and making you do something
B: (Sheepishly) Yep……
A: So how was Italy we hear you hurt yourself what happened?
B: Well I was coming off this Hugeanourmousma drop like 200 feet plus, as I came to the lip I put in ma big eld booofer stroke I wound up my slender frame reaching for the lip as I pulled the stroke the force of my stroke ripped a boulder out of the lip stalling me as I went into freefall,
As I fell I thought to myself that shouldn't of happened whilst calculating the approximate speed of descent and how I could soften the landing I leant forward tucking for impact but the size of my brain forced me forwards as the tail came over my head I went over the handlebars,
This is something ive done many times on the mountain bike at Bernies hollow oooo yeeaaa, I pushed my hips forward as the water surged around I straightened up ready for impact just as I went to land the boulder I had earlier dislodged struck my boat pushing me off course at the last minute and landing badly into the pool below.
As I rolled up I knew I had hurt myself with a bone sticking out of my chest and blood pouring from my hand and face, but I pushed on knowing I was injured.
A: Wow Walshy you are some man for one man! like a true life hero!
B: Ahhh Yeaaa dats me
A: So did you get it on camera
B: NO!
A: Really?
B: No but thats what happened!
A: Really Really?
B:Yep
A: So what about this photo??
B: O yea that could of been it? maybe I didnt have my glasses on? it did feel bigger
A: Thats what she said!
B: OOOOOoooooo Yeeeeaaaaaaa Baby!
A: So what really happened……?
B: I was fixated on trying to boof/flair off the hard left shelf and got it wrong not once but twice :( with the exact same result, done a bit of damage to my right arm kinda screwed up the rest of the week
A: Now that sounds believable
B ………..
A: But it was a good trip?
B: Awwwwhh Dude it was great.
A: and did I hear you were rescued by the real hero Miss Mairead?
B: yea she was a star
A: You must of taught her all that extreme rope technique tho!
B: Erm, Yea Of course!
A: I suppose theirs lots of chance to practice with you about.
B: What's that meant to mean?
A: Well your always testing the water quality? or the dryness of your suits or seals? etc
B: Ahhhh yea
A: So any plans for retirement?
B: If only your not getting rid of me that easy!!!
A: Thank you Mr Walsh for the chat can we expect to see you again soon
B: ahh well now im a Big Dawg im waiting for the next Big Dawg Huge trip wit da bigguns
A: So see you at Sluice in 1 meg then so!
B Enjoy!
So after a long absence from blogging we now check in with our main man on the ground Mr Bernard The Walsh!
(Last known Photo! Recently seen on holiday)
A) So Walshy Where have you been Lately
B) ‘Hesitate’…. Well ya know, here n dere
A) And where exactly was that?
B) Ya No…. ‘hesitates’
A) No go on…..
B) To the thingymajib with the wonamadems ….. ‘hesitates’ wheres my coffee?
-Passes Bernard a hot coffee-
B) ah now ye looks afta de auld man, I was in Italllia with de BIG Dawgs! none of this little dog liffey pissy stuff for me im wit de BIG Dawgs on the Big Dawg trip.
A) And how was the weather
B) Weather was fantastic weally hot but the water was cold.
A) And Mr Walsh what were you doing in the water?
B) ‘Hesitates for some time’ Spraydeck Testing!
A) O erm, I wasnt expecting that response!
B) OOOOOO YEAAAAA!
A) And Bernard what was the highlight of your trip?
B) O Dude, Paddling the Big dog sh!t with the Big Dog Crew
A) and whats your next ambition?
B) Hesitates….. To be taller!
_____________________________________________
Check out some of Bernards latest video clips from the past few months!
Like a duck to water, he dusted off the old kit to show the lads how its done! shown up by an antique!
check it out!
The following paper has been submitted to the world’s leading scientific journals.
Slippery-Knee syndrome; a research-led examination of a common paddling affliction, by Professor Nemo Kane (Officially Listed Doctor For Any Relative Theory).
Slippery-Knee syndrome accounts for around 93.5% of all unexplained wet exits in the paddling community. It usually occurs on the most benign stretches of river at the most unexpected times and only affects experienced paddlers.
Although referred to as Slippery-Knee, the process involved actually begins in the brain. For some as yet unknown reason the motor control functions of the brain become confused resulting in the paddler’s sudden inability to control his legs (The syndrome only affects men). This results in an involuntary movement or ‘slip’ of the knees from their braces to the centre of the cockpit, whereby the sudden upward pressure causes the spray deck to ‘pop’, leaving the paddler with no option but to swim.
Slippery-knee syndrome is highly contagious and can spread rapidly from paddler to paddler. In fact, in recent years, major epidemics have been recorded in a large number kayak clubs.
Although most common in calm water or ‘stupid places’, the rate of incidence of Slippery-Knees usually increases in waves, holes and tricky rapids, giving rise to the theory that the virus may be more prevalent in aerated water.
Victims of Slippery-Knee syndrome often show signs of confusion and a heightened sensitivity to questions such as: “What happened your roll?” Or “Why didn’t you stay in your boat?”
Finally, Slippery-Knee Syndrome should be regarded as a serious illness to be treated with sensitivity and not confused with a panic-stricken, chicken-shit wet exit. NEVER laugh at a victim of Slippery-Knee syndrome, because remember what your Mammy always said, “Mocking is catching”.
My thanks to all the members of Rockhoppers Kayak Club for spending so much time in the water in support of my research, especially: Garvan (Lucan High-Drop, Liffey), Niall (Stackallen Monster, Boyne), Macker (Lucan High-Drop, Liffey) and Walshy (Any moving water).
The above paper has been rejected by the world’s leading scientific journals.
Today We took part in a Club Freestyle day with Adrian
heres the video and a few photos.
With team bish bash and bosh out in Italy living the dream and running the S*!t we wanted to prove we can have just as mush fun back home on the Liffey!